The Dark Closet

Update as of 10-15-2018 -- The case has been dismissed by both parties.  As we have agreed to move forward, the dismissed case will remain confidential.

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Back in October 2011, I set up google alerts so I could be notified if there were new links with Victor Alfieri's name. I did this so I could be prepared in case he leaked more information about "the scandal" to the media. It is surprising that I rarely receive alerts. In fact, none of my links from this blog has triggered any google alerts.

A couple of days ago I received an interesting one... "Is Victor Alfieri Gay? -AllPeopleSay." Here's the link. AllPeopleSay.com. Reading it made me think of such possibility. Has he been keeping dark secrets in the closet? I started to wonder. Do all of his sexually charged jokes toward other males hold a repressed truth?

This article made me think of Victor and his odd sense of "sexual" humor. And as he stated himself during his deposition, "I'm Italian. That's the way we joke. And I like to joke like that." See "Sexual Harassment". If I were to learn that he is indeed gay, I would probably feel much more compassion toward him. His odd, erratic and vindictive behavior would be somehow "justified" by his continuous effort to cover a truth that might be too difficult to face... and to publicly share.

But does it matter what his true sexual orientation is? Does it really matter what anybody's sexual preference is?? It does not make a difference - at least not to me. It is just as if we were judged based on our choosing vanilla over chocolate ice cream.

I am not the type of person who judges others' sexuality. I believe we should all be free to make our own choices. I have many friends who are gay and love them dearly. They explain to me that being gay is not really a choice, that it is something with which they are born... A few of my gay friends have told me that they would choose to be straight if they truly had the choice.

I can only imagine how challenging it must be to try to live a life that is "acceptable" by the majority even if it goes against our own selves. Is it really easier to simply hide all those personal beliefs, preferences, opinions that are not accepted by others?

Just as we sometimes hide things in "junk drawers." We pretend that what these drawers contain actually doesn't exist and believe that by keeping their contents hidden, they will miraculously disappear.  When a guest comes to our home and opens one of those junk drawers, it might be uncomfortable. We don't really want to show that part of us. And on the other hand, we might have even forgotten what we put in there.

Something similar happens with "dark" and repressed secrets. We hide them and push them down trying to bury them. But although seemingly dormant, they grow stronger the more we try to conceal them. We might not even be aware that we are repressing them.

Two years ago, I bought into the belief that what happened to me - what I now call the Trevino-Alfieri Story - was shameful, that I should not discuss or tell anybody about it. Telling my story has been the most effective way for me to MOVE ON and to feel increasingly detached from the events that once hurt me so much.  It would be so much easier for Alfieri if he could do the same thing... if he were able to face those secrets he has been hiding in the dark closet and stopped creating "tales" to cover them.

The degree of shame associated with a "dark" secret is directly related to the effort invested in concealing or disguising it. It makes sense, of course. If it is something of which we are ashamed, we will try to hide it. But, what happens if we stop hiding it? What if we accept it and let it be? I personally believe that there is nothing too dark or shameful that needs to be locked out in a dark closet. As we practice self-acceptance and self-forgiveness, we become more accepting of others as well.

Disclaimer – As of October 15, 2018, all legal issues have been resolved. This resolution was reached during arbitration. There are no pending issues related to fraud or theft. The resolution was mutually agreeable. There will be no more posts written about this story.