Moving On

Update as of 10-15-2018 -- The case has been dismissed by both parties.  As we have agreed to move forward, the dismissed case will remain confidential.

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I was reading a great article that I would like to share with you. It is written by Cathy Malchiodi and published by Psychology Today, "Getting Whole While Getting Even, Self-expression is key to recovery from life's atrocities; it's the best revenge."

Malchiodi cites the work of Judith Herman, author of the seminal Trauma and Recovery. 

"Herman refers to the most terrible forms of atrocities, including interpersonal violence (sometimes called domestic violence, child abuse, spousal abuse or elder abuse), war, and terrorism. Fortunately, most of us do not experience the atrocities that Herman describes. But we generally do not escape smaller atrocities in our own lives that are hurtful enough to stimulate thoughts of 'getting even.' There's the betrayal of a relationship, discrimination at work or the full-blown experience of ingratitude, disrespect or humiliation. Sometimes the situations that include these experiences are very similar to those found in interpersonal violence because friends, family or co-workers tell us to remain silent about the atrocity and 'move on.' 

She adds - "Or they may even actively collude with the perpetrators to maintain the dysfunctional dynamics that they prefer in lieu of confrontation and truth-telling. They often convince themselves that they are not part of the problem and in doing so, reinforce a sense of victimhood and hopelessness for everyone involved." 

This is exactly what happened with the Cast and Crew of Looking for Clara. Many of them came to me to complain about Alfieri and to voice their concerns during filming. Many were unhappy with the way Alfieri was handling production. They were victims of his abusive behavior. Now they have all "moved on" and are friends with him again.  They make their own decisions and can choose whatever path they want in life. I am also entitled to choose whatever direction I want to go. I have chosen to write this blog and to tell the truth - my truth.

Malchiodi also mentions other writers' work on this subject. "Gina Barreca's 'Sweet Revenge' quotes a female Fortune 500 executive who noted, 'The best form of revenge is simply to make the truth known.' It can be, as Gina says wonderfully restorative and gratifying, especially when hurt or humiliated, to not 'be nice.' I personally believe speaking truth to power can be the ultimate in healing experiences." 

And I love the way Malchiodi finishes her article.

We unfortunately learn that not everyone can be trusted and that people who we thought had our backs will do everything to keep themselves safe while abandoning us in many cases. This is one of the many circumstances where the human reflex of "getting even" emerges in response. But then I always remember the sideways wisdom of First Wives Club Ivana Trump who said, "Don't get even, get everything!" Instead of getting all the money like Ivana, to me it means that "getting even" is really about "getting whole" (getting everything) again. More importantly, we all have the imaginative power to recreate that wholeness. And we all have the possibility to recover whatever was lost, stolen, violated, disrespected or betrayed from those who hurt us which is the ultimate form of "getting even."

For the full article go to http://www.psychologytoday.com/collections/201208/moving/getting-whole-while-getting-even

My Blog

A couple of days ago an anonymous reader posted a message on the post To Cast & Crew - The comment read "You sound super bitter- move on!" 

This was part of my response -

I am not bitter at all. I am a very happy person. I am actually thankful for the great gift Alfieri has given me... a story to tell.  I am working on my book and movie. I am SUPER excited about my projects... Isn't that moving on and using the past as a blessing not a tragedy?

I understand that some people might get tired of hearing the same story again and again, and are inclined to tell the person who's re-telling the drama-filled story to move on.  We all have different ways of "moving on" because we have our own "spiritual curriculum," as we learned as students at USM (University of Santa Monica). 

When we are blind to a situation and have not learned what we are meant to with that specific experience, we become stuck and suffer.  As we gain awareness and acceptance, we start our journey towards healing and self-forgiveness... that is when we are ready to move on.

If I pretend that what happened did not occur and bury it deep inside of me, I know it will surface every time I encounter a triggering event. I will lash out at people who remind me of Victor or of what he did to me. It is like sweeping the dirt under a rug instead of picking it up and cleaning it. The more "unresolved issues" we hide under the rug, the messier our life becomes, even if it looks neat on the surface.

I have accepted what happened and I am actually using the apparent loss as inspiration to create something new and fulfilling. I feel excited about the future and my new life as a writer and producer. I really would have never chosen this path if I had not gone through the Trevino-Alfieri saga.  What is there to regret?

Disclaimer – As of October 15, 2018, all legal issues have been resolved. This resolution was reached during arbitration. There are no pending issues related to fraud or theft. The resolution was mutually agreeable. There will be no more posts written about this story.