Moving On

Update as of 10-15-2018 -- The case has been dismissed by both parties.  As we have agreed to move forward, the dismissed case will remain confidential.

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I was reading a great article that I would like to share with you. It is written by Cathy Malchiodi and published by Psychology Today, "Getting Whole While Getting Even, Self-expression is key to recovery from life's atrocities; it's the best revenge."

Malchiodi cites the work of Judith Herman, author of the seminal Trauma and Recovery. 

"Herman refers to the most terrible forms of atrocities, including interpersonal violence (sometimes called domestic violence, child abuse, spousal abuse or elder abuse), war, and terrorism. Fortunately, most of us do not experience the atrocities that Herman describes. But we generally do not escape smaller atrocities in our own lives that are hurtful enough to stimulate thoughts of 'getting even.' There's the betrayal of a relationship, discrimination at work or the full-blown experience of ingratitude, disrespect or humiliation. Sometimes the situations that include these experiences are very similar to those found in interpersonal violence because friends, family or co-workers tell us to remain silent about the atrocity and 'move on.' 

She adds - "Or they may even actively collude with the perpetrators to maintain the dysfunctional dynamics that they prefer in lieu of confrontation and truth-telling. They often convince themselves that they are not part of the problem and in doing so, reinforce a sense of victimhood and hopelessness for everyone involved." 

This is exactly what happened with the Cast and Crew of Looking for Clara. Many of them came to me to complain about Alfieri and to voice their concerns during filming. Many were unhappy with the way Alfieri was handling production. They were victims of his abusive behavior. Now they have all "moved on" and are friends with him again.  They make their own decisions and can choose whatever path they want in life. I am also entitled to choose whatever direction I want to go. I have chosen to write this blog and to tell the truth - my truth.

Malchiodi also mentions other writers' work on this subject. "Gina Barreca's 'Sweet Revenge' quotes a female Fortune 500 executive who noted, 'The best form of revenge is simply to make the truth known.' It can be, as Gina says wonderfully restorative and gratifying, especially when hurt or humiliated, to not 'be nice.' I personally believe speaking truth to power can be the ultimate in healing experiences." 

And I love the way Malchiodi finishes her article.

We unfortunately learn that not everyone can be trusted and that people who we thought had our backs will do everything to keep themselves safe while abandoning us in many cases. This is one of the many circumstances where the human reflex of "getting even" emerges in response. But then I always remember the sideways wisdom of First Wives Club Ivana Trump who said, "Don't get even, get everything!" Instead of getting all the money like Ivana, to me it means that "getting even" is really about "getting whole" (getting everything) again. More importantly, we all have the imaginative power to recreate that wholeness. And we all have the possibility to recover whatever was lost, stolen, violated, disrespected or betrayed from those who hurt us which is the ultimate form of "getting even."

For the full article go to http://www.psychologytoday.com/collections/201208/moving/getting-whole-while-getting-even

My Blog

A couple of days ago an anonymous reader posted a message on the post To Cast & Crew - The comment read "You sound super bitter- move on!" 

This was part of my response -

I am not bitter at all. I am a very happy person. I am actually thankful for the great gift Alfieri has given me... a story to tell.  I am working on my book and movie. I am SUPER excited about my projects... Isn't that moving on and using the past as a blessing not a tragedy?

I understand that some people might get tired of hearing the same story again and again, and are inclined to tell the person who's re-telling the drama-filled story to move on.  We all have different ways of "moving on" because we have our own "spiritual curriculum," as we learned as students at USM (University of Santa Monica). 

When we are blind to a situation and have not learned what we are meant to with that specific experience, we become stuck and suffer.  As we gain awareness and acceptance, we start our journey towards healing and self-forgiveness... that is when we are ready to move on.

If I pretend that what happened did not occur and bury it deep inside of me, I know it will surface every time I encounter a triggering event. I will lash out at people who remind me of Victor or of what he did to me. It is like sweeping the dirt under a rug instead of picking it up and cleaning it. The more "unresolved issues" we hide under the rug, the messier our life becomes, even if it looks neat on the surface.

I have accepted what happened and I am actually using the apparent loss as inspiration to create something new and fulfilling. I feel excited about the future and my new life as a writer and producer. I really would have never chosen this path if I had not gone through the Trevino-Alfieri saga.  What is there to regret?

Disclaimer – As of October 15, 2018, all legal issues have been resolved. This resolution was reached during arbitration. There are no pending issues related to fraud or theft. The resolution was mutually agreeable. There will be no more posts written about this story.

Copyright Infringement???

Update as of 10-15-2018 -- The case has been dismissed by both parties.  As we have agreed to move forward, the dismissed case will remain confidential.

As of 7/30/13, the Copyright Claims have been dismissed and my videos restored. 

I initially thought that my encounter with Alfieri at the Coffee Bean on Sunset Boulevard had rekindled his desire to start another legal battle with me. Just five hours after I saw him twirling his hair in the parking lot of the coffee shop, I got a notification from YouTube alerting me that I was being accused of copyright infringement. I later learned that the claim had been submitted on July 1st.  

In order to maintain a YouTube account and enjoy the benefits it offers, some rules have to be followed and respected. The uploaded videos may not contain inappropriate material. In addition, material that belongs to another party may not be used without authorization.

YouTube allows three "strikes" before canceling an account. I have received my first strike from Victor Alfieri and Bondolini Productions. I have submitted a counter-notification denying any copyright infringement.  Now my account is on "probation" and my response could trigger a lawsuit if Alfieri insists that the footage is his.

I have been really careful with what I have included in my videos and how I edited them. I consulted with my attorney and he assured me that portions of the footage from Victor's deposition could be posted on line. He told me that as long as I did not alter the footage, I could post the complete deposition on YouTube.

I did cut the footage from the deposition and edited in a way that is entertaining and focuses on a specific subject. I was especially proud of my amateur editing work in my "trailers." I actually had so much fun working on them. I was careful to only use footage I owned. I had a few videos and multiple photos shot with my iPhone and my digital camera. That is the footage and pictures I used for my YouTube videos.

Now Alfieri is claiming copyright infringement? Why would he only claim it over the "trailers"? Does he believe that the footage I used was shot with the Alexa camera? Well... I am flattered.

The footage used was either from the deposition, from my iPhone or digital camera. Therefore, I own it and can create any videos I want with it. 

A legal representative was listed in the copyright claim. Her name is Margarette Mow. I believe it is somewhat strange that she provided an odd gmail address as her contact information instead of using an email connected to her lawfirm's website, which would have been more appropriate and professional. I cannot help it but speculate about how these copyright claims were discussed with an attorney, what information Alfieri shared and what he chose to omit.

This is what I personally believe:

• Afieri wanted to start another legal battle and used the videos as an excuse. Why did he wait 5 months to do so?????
• Ms. Mow is a woman Alfieri charmed and convinced to have her become his legal representative in these copyright claims. He is not paying her a penny (my personal opinion.)
• Ms. Mow does not know much about the case or what truly happened. She only heard Alfieri's story where he is clearly the victim and needs legal protection. I really hope that she takes the time to read some of the posts of this blog.

In ten days I will find out if YouTube will get my videos back up or if Alfieri will sue for copyright claims over the footage of those videos.  I will be updating this post when this happens.

UPDATE: I received three emails from Youtube such as the one below - one for each video that had previously been removed.

Disclaimer – As of October 15, 2018, all legal issues have been resolved. This resolution was reached during arbitration. There are no pending issues related to fraud or theft. The resolution was mutually agreeable. There will be no more posts written about this story.

Sunset Boulevard

Update as of 10-15-2018 -- The case has been dismissed by both parties.  As we have agreed to move forward, the dismissed case will remain confidential.

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This morning I was walking by the Coffee Bean on Sunset Blvd., I thought of Victor Alfieri and how funny it would be to run into him there. I even imagined cheerfully shouting out "Alfieri" with a big smile on my face.... when a man twirling his hair got my attention...

This man was compulsively twirling the hair that was sticking out of the bandana he was wearing over his head. This is something Victor would do all the time. I remember I would slap his hand when he did  that and would say, "stop doing that!" because it truly got on my nerves.

When I got closer to him, I observed, his face, his profile, his clothes.... It was Victor Alfieri!!! I think he also saw me but pretended he did not know who I was. He immediately put his headpiece (connected to his cell phone) in his ear and started walking the opposite direction.

Larrabee Street

Last year, I was living in an apartment on Larrabee and Santa Monica Blvd. He knew I lived on Larrabee because I had told him I moved there.  This is before we broke up and, of course, before the scandal erupted. However, he did not know the exact address. Please see map on left. "A" is where I used to live.

After publicly accusing me of being obsessed with him and of "stalking" him, I found him following me and driving by my apartment building several times.  Anyone from West Hollywood knows that Larrabee is only 3 blocks long. There is really NO reason to drive on Larrabee if you don't live there or if you are not visiting someone who lives there. San Vicente Blvd, a major street, is just a block away from Larrabee Street and can connect you to Santa Monica Blvd or Sunset Blvd.

It was clear that he wanted to know where my apartment was and spent numerous hours driving down the short 3 block street trying to figure out where EXACTLY I lived. I remember one day as I was exiting my garage, I cut off a car that I was approaching. I waved at the car with an apologetic gesture. I realized it was Victor's Porsche... with Victor inside. Because he was right behind my car, I could see him in my rear view mirror. We were both heading toward Santa Monica Blvd. We were going to have to make a right turn. But, through the rear view mirror, I saw how Victor freaked out and made an immediate left into an alley. At that point, he had succeeded in finding out where I lived.

Just a couple of weeks after this incident, a mutual friend who was visiting me saw him on the corner of Cynthia and Larrabee. I actually met this mutual friend through Victor, himself. He also had problems with her and they were not talking anymore. He was again in his Porsche signaling that he was going to turn right onto Larrabee Street, my block - and as I said before - really no reason to go that way. He saw my friend and "freaked"... What did he do this time?  He continued going straight on Cynthia with his right blinker still on!

Why would he drive by my place???? What was he expecting to get out of it??? Was he spying on me?  So who was stalking whom?

When he and I started talking again after I dropped my lawsuit against him, he was very persistent in getting my new address. He claimed he would send a copy of the first cut of the film by regular mail. I refused to give my home address to him although by now, he probably knows it. He proved to be a good investigator.

It is really ironic how close the two of us are geographically. Next time we run into each other, I hope to be able to say hello and communicate like two adults. He is the one who started all the conflict. He is the one who created a slanderous lie about me that grew too big to be manageable. If he offered his sincere apologies and told the truth about what really happened between us.... Well.... I could only dream!!!!

Disclaimer – As of October 15, 2018, all legal issues have been resolved. This resolution was reached during arbitration. There are no pending issues related to fraud or theft. The resolution was mutually agreeable. There will be no more posts written about this story.