Trust

Update as of 10-15-2018 -- The case has been dismissed by both parties.  As we have agreed to move forward, the dismissed case will remain confidential.

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Trust is something we all consider valuable.  Trust is fundamental in the creation and building of any type of relationship. I found countless quotes about "trust." Some had an author, such as the following:

"Love all, trust a few." 

--- William Shakespeare

 "The best way to find out of you can trust somebody is to trust them."   

---- Ernest Hemingway 

"Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters 

cannot be trusted with important matters." 

--- Albert Einstein

"The trust of the innocent is the liar's most useful tool."  

--- Stephen King

What is Trust?  

Google gives a very concise and clear definition --

Firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.

Although it sounds simple, it is the most powerful element needed to build and sustain any type of relationship. When I think about my past relationships, both professional and personal, it becomes more evident that without trust, a relationship CANNOT survive.

Trust Issues

A strong friendship and business relationship I have with someone was put to the test recently. After this test, our relationship suffered but eventually survived after we had an honest and open conversation. The main issue in the relationship was "trust."

During this period of time, the lack of effective communication between us created conflict. This friend grew so untrusting to the point that he became paranoid about my intentions. In the past, we had shared with each other some stories about other people whom we had a hard time trusting. I would always tell him to ask questions when in doubt instead of making assumptions and creating stories. I told him that not making assumptions had saved many of my relationships.


We met at a restaurant last week. The first thing he said as he sat down at the table was, "are you recording this conversation?" He made me show my cell phone and then demanded I put it away. I was thinking "wow, he has become really paranoid."

What was shocking is how familiar this situation seemed to me... just as when Victor Alfieri became paranoid and started to create bizarre stories about me and others involved in the production of our film.

So it is not surprising that Victor Alfieri was brought up into our conversation. "I would love to hear his side of the story," he said. I told him to simply visit this blog and read the story if he wished. He responded that he had done so and had googled me. "And it doesn't make you look good," he added. I quickly said "I don't care what your opinion is. I did what felt right for me. I told the TRUTH."

I will not deny I got very upset with that comment. I will also admit that it was not true that I did not care about his opinion. Of course I cared. We all care about what our friends or colleagues think of us. It is based on those opinions that we act upon, that we treat others and that we build solid relationships. What I really meant to say was, "I have no control over your opinion. I did what felt right for me. I told the TRUTH. And it really hurts to hear you have such a low image of me.... and that you do not trust me."

I am aware that his statements and accusations are a reflection of himself and his own fears - and they have NOTHING to do with me.  We can only see the negative traits in others that exist in our own reality - either something we have and want to hide or something we have witnessed or have endured as a "victim." I wonder to what type of betrayal he has been subjected, what experiences have scarred him in such a way that he has a hard time trusting anyone.

Fortunately we were eventually able to work out all the differences and misunderstandings.  He has opted to trust again... And so have I. After this incident our friendship has gotten stronger. We have made the pact to always communicate openly with the each other.

Should We Trust Others?

Yes!!! We should.  Even if they betray us??  Yes! I am not saying that if someone is a compulsive liar and has proven unreliable again and again, we should "trust" them with important and vital decisions we make in life. That is why we have common sense, right? But we can extend our trust to them from one human to another, by encouraging them to believe in themselves - believe that they can do better and can keep their word.  We reflect TRUST on one another.  If we trust, we are more likely to be trusted. If we distrust, we will probably get the same in return.

You may be deceived if you trust too much, 

but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough."

 --- Frank Crane

"Our distrust is very expensive." 

--- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"It is an equal failing to trust everybody, and to trust nobody." 

--- English Proverb

"It is impossible to go through life without trust; 

that is to be imprisoned in the worst cell of all, oneself."  

--- Graham Greene

As Cardinal De Retz states, "a man who doesn't trust himself can never really trust anyone else." In other words, it all starts with ourselves. How can I trust anyone else when I cannot trust the person closest to me -- my SELF?

"As soon as you trust yourself, 

you will know how to live." 

---Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

Respect cannot survive without trust. Love cannot be expressed in the absence of trust. Trust, as Stephen Covey puts it, "is the glue of life. It's the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It's the foundational principle of all relationships," including the relationship we have with ourselves.

Many say that trust is earned just as respect. I disagree. I believe that trust is a choice. It is a choice that starts with self-trust. Let's have trust in ourselves, in our intuition, in knowing that we always have the answer we are seeking and can make the right decisions in life if we listen to our soul. Let's pay it forward and extend this gift of TRUST to everyone around us. Let's create a wave of trust through forgiveness, compassion and kindness towards others.

Disclaimer – As of October 15, 2018, all legal issues have been resolved. This resolution was reached during arbitration. There are no pending issues related to fraud or theft. The resolution was mutually agreeable. There will be no more posts written about this story.